Talk it through before the lawyers
Twelve things couples usually decide in a pre-nup. Go through them together, mark each one, and leave with a short list of what still needs a real conversation — the part lawyers charge most for.
Picking one sets aside the topics that probably do not apply. You can bring any of them back.
Nothing here yet.
A planning aid, not legal advice. What a pre-nup can cover differs by state and country. In most places it cannot decide child custody or child support, and terms that leave one of you with nothing, or that were signed without full disclosure, are the ones most often thrown out.
Why these twelve
They are the subjects that come up in almost every pre-nup: property and debts from before, money earned during the marriage, the home, a business, retirement, family money, spousal support, children from earlier relationships, death, the day-to-day accounts, and whether the agreement should be reviewed or end. Your lawyers may add others — pets, a family farm, intellectual property — but if the two of you have talked through these, the first meeting starts in the right place.
How to have the conversation
Pick an ordinary evening, not the week of the wedding. Go through the list in order — the early topics are the easiest — and agree beforehand that "Need to talk" is a perfectly good answer. The aim tonight is not to settle everything; it is to find out which three or four topics actually need work.
Mark "Not for us" freely. A couple with no business and no children from earlier relationships has no reason to spend lawyer time on either.
What usually needs the most time
Spousal support, because it asks you to imagine a future you hope never happens. The home, because the answer depends on who owns it and who pays for it — the separate or shared later tool shows the size of the question. And income earned during the marriage, because pooling or not pooling paychecks is really a decision about how you want to live together.
Related
What each of you brings turns the first two topics into numbers. The pre-nup timeline shows whether there is time before the wedding, and the pre-nup guide covers the whole process.
Questions people actually ask
Can a pre-nup decide custody or child support?
In most places, no. A court decides those based on the children's interests at the time, and terms that try to fix them in advance are generally not enforced.
Can we waive spousal support?
Many places allow it, some limit it, and a waiver that would leave one of you in hardship may not be enforced. It is one of the topics most worth a lawyer's time.
What is a sunset clause?
A term that ends the agreement after a set number of years, or after an event such as the birth of a child. It suits couples who want protection early on but expect their finances to merge over time.
Is our list saved anywhere?
No. It exists only while the page is open. Copy or print the lawyers' list before you close it.