How to plan a wedding, month by month

Four early decisions shape everything else. After that it is mostly a matter of doing things in the right order.

Most wedding stress comes from doing things out of order: choosing flowers before the budget is set, or sending invitations before the venue is confirmed. The order below is the one most planners use. The wedding planner turns it into a checklist dated from your own wedding day.

First: four decisions

1. The budget. What you can actually spend, including any family money that is confirmed rather than hoped for. Put five to ten per cent aside as contingency before anything else. The wedding budget spreads the rest across categories.
2. A rough guest count. It decides the size of venue and most of the cost. Start a list in the guest list, even if it is only names.
3. The kind of wedding and a season. Big or small, formal or relaxed, near home or away.
4. The venue. This fixes the date. Everything after depends on it.

Nine to twelve months before

• Book the officiant, the photographer, the caterer and the band or DJ — the people who can only do one wedding a day.
• Ask the people you want beside you.
• Send save-the-dates, and reserve rooms for guests who travel.
• If you want a pre-nup, start that conversation now: it needs months, not weeks. The pre-nup timeline shows why.

Four to six months before

• Order the outfits — alterations take time.
• Book flowers, hair and makeup, and transport.
• Order invitations, choose the menu, and buy the rings.
• Plan the honeymoon and check that passports are in date.

Two months before

• Mail the invitations, with a reply date three to four weeks before the wedding.
• Check what the marriage licence needs and when — the rules and waiting periods differ by place.
• Draft the day's timeline with your venue. The wedding day timeline builds it around your ceremony time.
• Work out the bar with the drinks calculator.

The last month

• Chase missing replies, then give the caterer the final numbers and meals.
• Finish the seating chart.
• Apply for the marriage licence, have the final fitting, and write vows and speeches.
• Send the timeline to every supplier, and give one person who is not either of you a copy to run the day.

The last week, and after

Confirm arrival times, put final payments and tips in labelled envelopes, and hand someone an emergency kit. After the wedding, return anything rented, send thank-you notes, and make sure the signed licence is filed.

Frequently asked questions

How far ahead should we start planning a wedding?

A year is comfortable for a larger wedding, because popular venues and photographers book up that far ahead. Six months is very workable, especially for a smaller wedding or a less popular date — start with the bookings.

What should we book first?

The venue, because the date depends on it, then the officiant and the suppliers who can only do one wedding a day: photographer, caterer, and band or DJ.

When do invitations go out?

Save-the-dates about eight to nine months ahead, or earlier for a destination wedding; invitations six to eight weeks before, with the reply date three to four weeks before the day.

How much contingency should the budget have?

Five to ten per cent is common, and it usually gets used.